I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
