Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
