Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
