Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dignity is for republicans.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
