we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
