in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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