The maid of honor just puked.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
