I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish i was in the wii world.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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