Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
