I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
