ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
