This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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