Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
