I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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