Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
