After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
