I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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