What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
