Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
