My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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