Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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