you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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