Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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