Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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