Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Randomize
