i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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