Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
