Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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