My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
