She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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