Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
