All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
