she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
