I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
