Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
