loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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