I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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