Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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