where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
