I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
