We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
