I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
