you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I forget how to act sober
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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