In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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