she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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