i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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