She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
