does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
