well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
