so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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