Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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