Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Alive.
So much puke
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
