The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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