Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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