I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
