I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
