i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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