Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
