He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
