this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
