Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
