I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
