Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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