I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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