What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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