i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
