I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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