Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
