you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
