just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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