i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
