Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
