Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
