Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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