Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
