i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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