he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
