I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
