Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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