Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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