If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
