put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
