those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We have so much sex to catch up on
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
