Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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