your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
