A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
