Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
