I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
