she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
