i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
