He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
